It took me 7 years, 4 different formal qualifications all inter-connected (read “diplomas”) & a never-ending exploration journey to come back in the same place: trying to define yourself is like biting your own teeth. Same goes for defining what you do when what you do does not fit in ANY of the traditional boxes (and God knows I have searched, tested, profile-d, experimented, prayed, yelled at a kazillion boxes “Let me in! This is where I think I should be right now!”).
Only to end up disappointed 6 – 12 months later into that 1 particular box. There goes another one. See ya later miss “lifestyle & business coach”. So long “personal trainer specialized in cardio-fitness, body building & functional training”. Buh-bye “registered dietitian”. Au revoir “marathon runner, carb-lover, big-quads athletic girl”. (my quads were not THAT big after all). See ya later miss “events manager”. Adios “trainer, facilitator & coach”. Toodle-oo “diversity & inclusion site lead”. Cheerio miss “Toastmasters club president & founder member”. And this is just to name some of the things I`ve done over these years.
When we mentally try to figure things out (by over-thinking) 2 things will happen:
1. we fail at telling the truth to who matters most (our Selves)
2. we end up frustrated because in the end the lie gives us only a temporary relief just like pain reliever when you had too many drinks the night before. Ops!
Before I start a new document I love writing the date first hand. The feeling I get when I look back on what has happened is priceless. Sometimes its just scribbles like stuff I gotta go do for the day. And what I like most is observing how some things mysteriously seem to be jumping to the next and the next and the next page in my book. You know, the stuff we put on hold. Usually the unpleasant ones. The difficult tasks. The stuff that needs us to really stretch in order to make them happen. Take a leap into the unknown. Without a warranty or a safety net.
In 2014 I ran my first full-distance marathon or “I ran 42.195 km for the first time” which changed EVERYTHING. 2014 is also the year I signed up to become a registered dietitian & receive a formal qualification to work with people AND food! My rocky relationship with food from my teen years all the way to my late-twenties when I have discovered distance running included a wide array of anxiety, anorexia, self-doubt, self-judgement, shame, blame. Hey, who can better understand “drugs” than a former “drug” addict, right?! 🙂
While browsing through one of my “old” notebooks from 2014 I read how “I want to start a wellness practice that would give people the tools to transform their lives on all levels in body-mind-and soul. To empower people make conscious choices when it comes to what foods they are putting on their tables. How food is the most available and easy-to-perceive form of energy. Hey, everyone`s got to eat, right?! 🙂 How having a healthy body makes it easier to reach higher states of consciousness.” In one word: Joy. Happiness. Bliss. Nirvana.
And here I am now, February 2017, holding this notebook into my hands going “wow! it`s been 2 years, why am I still resisting putting myself out there?!”. Don`t get me wrong, I cook as often as I get the chance, I preach about fruits & veggies & eating whole-real-foods, I (no longer) offer (unsolicited) advice (lol!), I have running races planned for 2017, I`m meditating on a daily basis, hey I`m even writing regularly (that`s how all this came to life) and practice kindness, self-care & self-love. Yawza! I am so grateful for how my life actually feels right now.
You see, making a commitment involves risks. Like tripping over and falling. Learning how to sit with “what is”. Risk of not looking good (ever tried eating spinach while wearing braces?!). Disappointing (some) people. Not being “everything to everyone”. And not getting too many “likes”. But there`s also a greater risk which exceeds all this: not having lived. Settling.
Like Steven Pressfield beautifully frames it in his “War of Art”:
“Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.”
Therefore I would like to ask you 1 question today “how are you feeling in your life right now?!” Where in your life do you feel most energized? What drains you? What relationships are no longer serving you? In what are of your life are you trying to fit in?!
Drop me a line in the comments below or write me an email firstname.lastname@example.org. I read ALL my emails and respond to each and one of them.
Have a beautiful day!
Yours in Mind-Body & Soul,