When You Feel You Are Not Enough

When we try to figure things out mentally (as in over-thinking them) 2 things happen:

1. We fail at telling the truth to who matters most (our Selves)
2. We end up frustrated because in the end the lie gives us only a temporary relief just like pain reliever when you had one too many drinks the night before

It took me about 8 years, 5 different formal qualifications (read “diplomas”) and endless exploration journeys only to come back in the same place: trying to define yourself is like biting your own teeth. Same goes for answering the question “so, what you do for a living?” when what you do does not fit in ANY of the traditional boxes (and God knows I have searched, tested, profile-d, experimented, prayed, yelled over a kazillion boxes “Let me in! This is where I belong”:-)))).

Only to end up disappointed 12 – 18 months later into that 1 particular box I was shouting at. There goes another one. You can cut that off your list! See ya later miss “lifestyle & business coach”. So long “personal trainer specialised in cardio-fitness, body building & functional training”. Buh-bye Ileana RD (registered dietitian). Au revoir “marathon runner, carb-lover, big-quads athletic girl”. See ya later miss “events manager”. Adios Ileana aka “trainer, facilitator & coach”. Toodle-oo “diversity & inclusion site lead”. Cheerio “Toastmasters club president & founder member”. And this is just to name few of the things over the years!

You see, making a commitment involves taking risks. Like tripping over and falling. Learning how to sit with “what is”. Risk of not looking good (ever tried eating spinach while wearing braces?! I did!:))). Disappointing (some) people?! Not being “everything to everyone”?! And not getting one too many “likes”. But there’s also a greater risk which exceeds all this: NOT HAVING LIVED. Like Steven Pressfield beautifully frames it in his “War of Art” (a must-read for anyone who wants to create anything, write, paint, dance, photograph, etc):

“Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.”

Therefore I would like to leave you sitting with one question today “how are you feeling in your life right now?!” Where in your life do you feel most energized? (when you are working or playing, maybe when you are by yourself)?. What drains you? What relationships are no longer serving you & you are just holding on to them out of inertia?

Drop me a line in the comments below and let me know.

And when you feel that you are not enough, know that YOU ARE! And why not try a little experiment while you’re at it: since all your life you have been criticising yourself for years and it hasn’t worked how about try approving of yourself and see what happens. (quote by Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life)

XOX

Ileana.

 

 

 

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